FACT. Who wants to go to the Regional Finals with me later this month?
Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Kemba Courtside Video - MUST SEE
This is absolutely the best video ever filmed. Without a doubt. How does it only have 300 views on YouTube. I mean, I've already watched it at LEAST 4 million times. Listen, I am as vocal as anyone about how much I don't trust our team. And I yell at Chuck all the time for how fucking terrible he is. Overall, I am a pessimistic UConn fan. But I love the cheerleaders goin' nuts and hugging each other. I love Johnathan high-stepping at the free throw line. I love that Pitt thought Gary McGee defending Kemba 1-on-1 25 feet from the hoop was a good idea. Why did they switch him on the pick? Where was the help! I love the emphatic 'Baskets good' call by the ref. I love this team. And we're primed for a tourney run. LETS FUCKING GO HUSKIES.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tweet of the Day - McDonalds?
Now you would think that since the internet has such a hard on for Charlie Sheen right now, I would be all over this McWinning menu. Fuck that. I'm happy with the dollar menu. That's fine, thank you. The real story here is the fact that McLobster and McSushi are real things. How drunk would you have to be to eat McSushi. Sushi is fantastic and all but I have trouble trusting most places to not poison the shit out of me. McDonalds is not the first place I think of when I think of quality seafood. I bet they're just going to grind up those Filet O Fish sangwiches and wrap em in rubber seaweed.
Fairfield U: Where douches roam
Oh now you’ve gone and done it. Brah.
First off nice 8 year old girl blue sunglasses. Really a good way to draw me in from the start. That and the 3 fully clothed beached whales suffocating you. Kept me interested and inspired me to write a blog post ripping you.
And ya boy asleep in the Nike’s. Isn’t there a rule that if you’re a douche bag and take the whole couch to yourself with your sneakers on that you get a penis drawn on your lips and FAG tattooed on your arm? That was my understanding. Maybe your bro with the boom box next to you shoulda taken care of that instead of rolling his pant leg up.
CLUB LIFE! CLUB LIFE! C-C-C-CLLLUB LIFE! Dude. Your’re at Flipside Burgers. There was a reason they didn't show any of the 'club' they were in. It's because the only thing in there are empty booths with crayons and place mats with mazes on them. It’s in the same parking lot as a Shell station. I mean that’s definitely a hot club if you want sliders, a large fry, and a pack of gummy worms on your way out. Stick the the Seagrape kid. It's up the street and to the left from your house.
Oh and now that everyone knows where you live, I think it would be within their rights to vandalize your shit, steal your TV, or set fire to your house. Or at least stop you from ever having children. Whatever gets you to stop making shit videos about how Daddy’s dime is making your life so ‘ballin’. I think that that’s the only thing we can do to punish you for putting out such a ridiculous product. You brought it on yourself. Not only would I be ashamed to film this video and think it’s awesome, but to then post in on the interwebs and send it to barstoolu.com for review is downright shameful.
Typical Lax Bro tool from Jersey driving an Audi. Every time I go out in Fairfield, I see your type everywhere. You're the guy that wears aviators at night. You're the guy that wears salmon and pastel-colored button downs untucked. You're the guy that wears a backward, frayed-rimmed baseball cap in your prom photo. This video isn't awesome. It makes you look foolish. Club Life and Flipside Burgers? Is that right? Turn your hat around straight and get to class on time. You're embarrassing yourself.
Wednesday Morning Coffee
This is one happy famery. Goddesses. Duh. These kids are fucking awesome. Look at the kid in black. Pointin at you like you already know he's awesome.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Tweet of the Day - Matt Barnes
Great day of betting for me yesterday. 5 for 5 in NBA games. Set em up, knock em down. That's what I do. Lakers, Bulls, Knicks, Warriors/76ers, and Hornets all did what I told them to. And it's effort like that put on by Mr. Barnes here that keeps the gravy train rollin' and keeps that beer money comin' in. FTH, Barnesy. Keep doin' yo thing.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Tweet of the Day - Jared Dudley bashing the Heat
Beautiful. JDuds FROM?!?! BC. Obviously. And this is exactly what I said after watching Coach Spo admit that his players were crying after the Bulls loss yesterday. You can only cry in 2 circumstances in basketball. If you get knocked out in the NBA Finals on a Game 7 buzzer beater OR if KG punches you in the balls. This March regular season game does not match either of those criteria.
Giada wants to date me
Bella Sera - Tell us what movie, recipe, and Bella Sera wine pair perfectly for a beautiful evening at home, and you could win a trip for two to meet Giada in Boston and have your winning recipe served at the largest Italian Festival in New England.
That's a big fucking smile. Ok, I am pretty sure I have never wanted to win anything this badly in my enitre life. Lotteries, raffles, cash prizes, new cars, vacations all take a back seat to this shit. I get to meet Giada. Let me just make sure you understand me here. I get to MEET this woman. Giada. Meet her. Like in person. Here's how much I like Giada. I woke up early (1:00pm) to watch Giada at Home this morning. I get Giada news updates sent to my GMail account. On the daily. Like I knew she was in South Beach last week for a Food and Wine Festival. I know that next week she will be in South Carolina with an NBC film crew doing volunteer work and giving food to needy children. What a fucking angel. Needless to say, I need to win this contest so that I can finally stop looking like such a fucking stalker. I would actually have an excuse to see her and speak with her. The fuck would I say? Probably just 'I love your shit and wanna touch you and smell you.'
So to win this contest, I have to answer 4 questions. I think that the best approach is to cater to what I think Giada would like. And I think I know her pretty well, even though she doesn't know me, so I got this shit on lock. Here are the questions:
1. Set the stage. Share an original recipe that you can enjoy with friends or family. Your delicious inspiration can be anything from an appetizer or entrée to even a dessert.
2. The feature presentation. Is your recipe spicy and bold or is it more on the sweet side? Choose a movie that best complements your dish.
So obviously the clear cut choice here is Eat, Pray, Love. Just seems to be right up her alley. Its got food. Fuckin Italy 'n shit. Can't go wrong. But I don't do that pussy movie thing. Can't stomach Julia Roberts' wrinkly ass sipping cappaccino and smiling at the fucking horizon for 2 hours. Can't do it. So I'm gonna go a little off the map here. Jungle Book is the answer. She looks like she likes to sing-a-long. She's got a young daughter that probably likes Disney and Giada would absolutely eat this shit up. Open her up real nice. Get her comfortable. Like how can you not laugh and want to have sex with me when you hear Bare Necessities?
3. Take five! Recommend which Bella Sera Wine perfectly pairs with your recipe and movie selection.
So I don't really know shit about Bella Sera Wine. Not sure anyone does, nor should they. Its probably worse than Yellowtail. The options are limited though so thats good. Pinot Grigio, Pinot Noir, Chianti, Merlot, or Moscato. So of course the wine pairing will depend on the dish I serve to Giada's fuck-me face. But right now I am gonna go with the Noir. She looks like a red wine type a girl. Also looks like a bend-me-over type a girl. Really the correct answer is what type has the highest alcohol content. Lets eat food, drink wine, and make bad decisions G.
4. It’s a wrap! In the space below, please briefly describe (150 words or less) why your recipe, wine and movie selection make a beautiful evening.
I don't even need 150 words. 'It's simple. I love you and want to meet you. I'm your biggest fan. Literally no one likes you more than I do. It's destiny that you're coming to Boston and I am going to get to meet you.' Short, sweet, and to the point. Like my penis.
So I have until June to submit this but I want to get it in early to show that I'm serious. So is this a winning submission or should I add things. And please send me recipies!!!!
^
boobs
Restaurant Profile: Virgil's BBQ
Virgil's
152 West 44th Street, New York, New York, 10036
http://www.virgilsbbq.com/index.php
An old favorite, to be sure. I went to this place with my famery probably 8 years ago. Got a chance to revisit it for lunch last month. It is as delicious as I remember. This place is a down an dirty BBQ joint. Don't come in expecting to have your napkin in your lap and white table clothes. They don't actually even give you napkins. They give you fucking maroon washclothes. One 'rub' (boom) on this BBQ joint is that it tries a little too hard to LOOK like a dirty southern BBQ pit. Kinda dark. Wood-grain everything. Like you can't look like Ted's and charge $10 an appetizer. Sorry, bro. But every Times Square restaurant, of course, needs a theme. So I guess you can't blame them for being conforming tools. Also, the service was, I suppose, strange. The waiter was totes stoned and kinda looked like Taco from The League and seperated every word with 'um'. Not a great combination if you're lookin' for a substantial tip. This is NYC, baby. I expect to be entertained.
What I had the pleasure of eating:
Hush Puppies - served with mapel syrup butter
Brisket Melt - grilled onions and cheddar cheese on grilled rye bread
The food is what makes the cheesy atmosphere acceptable. First, the hush puppies. For those of you unfamiliar, they are kinda like fried balls of cornbread. Accept these weren't balls. They were more like cocks. See picture above. These puppy cocks were served with sweet maple syrup butter that made them ridiculously addictive. I do not recommend becoming addicted to actual puppy cocks. That would most likely lead to jail time. Convicts don't take kindly to beastiality. We got them as an appetizer and there was only two of us. There were enough for 4 people. Pretty much ate them from the second they arrived til the second my brisket showed up. My girlfriend actually had to intervene and say, "Do you really WANT more hush puppies or do you just want them because they're in front of you right now?" Yea, I'm a fat fuck.
Then, my brisket melt sammich showed up. Not usually a huge brisket guy, but this was absolutely the most tender, almost meltinyourmouth, brisket I have every had. You almost don't even need to chew it. Just unhinge jaw and inhale. But you should chew it cause it makes digestion easier. Thick slices of brisket piled high smothered in cheddar. Dont hold it over your shirt. Sauce will fall out everywhere, but not in a messy, difficult/annoying to eat way. The (included) sides were slaw and potato salad. Probably should have gone with the mashed potatoes, mac 'n cheese, or baked beans. The fuck was I thinking? Slaw was just eh and po-salad was too vinegary and actually quite poor. But really the sandwich was the highlight and I didn't end up eating most of the sides anyway. I was filled with puppycocks.
Breakdown:
Service: 3/5
Food: 4/5
Dinner for 2: $50
Overall: 4/5
Monday Morning Coffee
I can that see the water is cold. Hope this warms you up after a rainy ass weekend.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Kemba to be honored on Senior Day
STORRS, Conn. -- Connecticut junior guard Kemba Walker will be honored during this year's senior day ceremonies at Gampel Pavilion, an indication the Husky star is not planning to return next season.
Walker has said he will make a decision about his future once UConn's season is complete.
Ok, Kemba. That's enough. Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining. You're going pro and everyone knows it. That's fine. Just don't bullshit me. Am I the only one that has a problem with this? Senior Day? Dude is clearly a junior and this day is not for him. And while Chuck Okwandu and Beverely obviously aren't HUGE draws or popular in any way, honoring Kemba tomorrow is bullshit. It's like when Texas retired Durant's number after one year (and a 2nd round tourney exit, nice pick TO). Laughable. Senior day should be reserved for the kids the commit to our program for ALL four years. Anyone else want to see the Clippers draft him? Then he could throw halfcourt lobs to Blake and when I move out there in 2 years, I can sit courtside.
Charlie Sheen will deploy his ordinance to the ground
Winning? Anyone? Not a huge Star Wars guy, but this is really well done. Actually makes it a point to make the Sheenisms match up with what's going on in the scene. Bravo, DarthBaleDotCom, Bravo.
Is this mashup perfect and bitchin and just winning with poetry in it's fingertips? Or is it BULL-S-H-I-T?
But, honestly I don't have time for your judgement. I work for the Pope. I murder people.
Tweet of the Day - MosDef
I was lucky enough to find Mr. Def on the Twitter wires the other day. And everything he writes is solid gold. Might be making weekly appearance on TOTD. Nothing gets me laughin like women in the kitchen jokes. Ironically, nothing makes me happier than when women cook for me. It's a win-win. I get to laugh about them being in the kitchen but then I benefit from the work they do there. Keep cooking ladies.
Life-Changing Poll Question
Best part about this poll? Well, I guess there are two things. One is that, yes it is true. My parents are leaving me at the house for a week. Alone. Two, you may select multiple answers. This allows me to rank the choices 1 thru 5. I can fucking do all of them and then some. Obviously 5 answer choices is not enough. So MaSheen (staying at my house with Bree Olson starting Sunday) and I encourage you to write in your suggestion in the comment section. Wish us luck.
Friday Morning Coffee
I'm thinking of making SJU (Sara Jean Underwood) the official sponsor of Friday's. I'll get her on the phone. See what I can do.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Christopher Walken is watching you pee
Go 'head. Pee. Had this hanging over the toilet in my dorm room junior year of college. Made it strange to whip it out and do business even when the door was closed. I think it looks like Walken is staring at your junk and judging you harshly. Kinda got a 'What the fuck is that thing?' look on his face. I like to think of it as training for public bathrooms and bars with no dividers between the urinals. Kinda makes you focus and bring your A game every time. What was even more fun was a picture of Jeff Goldblum with his shirt off on the wall behind the stall door that stared you directly in the face when you say down to Number 2.
Tweet of the Day - Roscoe Smith
Ah, the old receiving hair long. This looks like Shabazz but I honestly can't tell. The real issue here is athletes messing up common sayings. First it was Reggie Bush with 'sand dooms' and now it's Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins here with the receiving hair lines. Like when I was younger I used to think 'Bless You' was actually 'Bleshu', like it was it's own seperate word that had been made up just to say after someone sneezes. Or like how some people say 'wheelbarrel' to describe the thing Mexicans use to landscape your yard 'n stuff. I generally hate when people call you on your spelling because it's so unimportant...but this was too good to pass up. He probably doesn't even realize he fucked up.
Some people just shouldn't have twitter accounts. Some people also shouldn't be in college. Most of them happen to be athletes. Between Jim sending too many TXTMSGSOMG, Roscoe's mastery of the English language, and the full court 'buzzer-beater' Mr. Smith threw up in the Texas game, you gotta wonder what's been goin' on up there in Storrs since I left. Smh(?).
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Charlie Sheen Dream Machine
Charlie Sheen makes my job as a small time amatuer blogger easier. No need for creativity. No need to be witty or make up stories. No pictures necessary. Suck on some of these golden nuggets and then visit the site. P.S. These 6 quotes below were the first six on the site. There are dozens. And remember: I'm a grandisoe life, and I'm embracing it.
"I am on a drug. It's called...CHARLIE SHEEN."
"Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18."
"This contaminated little maggot can't handle my power"
"WINNING. DUH."
"We're Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be?"
"I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars."
Tweet of the Day - Giada
Bienvenidos a Miami! Lucky TSA fuck! Forget FEMA. Homeland Security is where it's AT. Frisky patdowns? Strip searches! Caressing every single part of Giada's sex-oozing, culinary masterpiece of a body in the name of American security? Where do I sign up? There is no doubt that she's hiding yellow cake uranium in that dome of hers though. Clearly she's in kahoots with Al-Jizzera. And is it just me or does this Tweet kinda sound like she enjoyed the patdown? Is 'Unbelievable!', like a 'Oh my God I feel so violated. My rights as an American have been taken away from me!' unbelievable? Or is it a 'that 60-something, grey-headed, sweaty rent-a-cop that fingerblasted me with his rubberglove fingers during the body cavity search was UNBELIEVABLE.' unbelievable? I would guess the latter. Let's just say the kitchen isn't the only place in the house where Giada's skills and enthusiasm come out.
Be sure to VOTE on the weekly poll. And if you like something...COMMENT!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Restaurant Profile: Blue Fin
Blue Fin
W Hotel Times Square, 1567 Broadway at 47th Street, New York, NY 10036
Because I am a fucking world traveler and enjoy dining out, I am going to profile some of the many, many restaurants that I eat at for you. Perhaps these are places that serve orgasm-enducing plates. Perhaps the spot is phenomenal and the restuarant is the attraction alone. Perhaps you should trust my fucking opinion on restaurants because I know what I'm talking about. Perhaps it will bring you some joy as I travel the country eating at all these balling places while you try to escape your sad, cold, snow-covered New England village.
This week's installment brings us to New York City. More specificially, Times Square. When you think Times Square, you probably think McDonalds and meat-on-a-stick dinners or a Rainforest Cafe-like theme. Blue Fin strays away from the norm and offers fresh seafood and fairly exotic sushi rolls for the pre-theater diner.
What I had the pleasure of eating:
Oysters: 2 of each - Kusshi, Fanny Bay, Ram Island (from CT), Hama Hama
Warm Baked Goat Cheese Salad - red beets, arugula, balsamic vinaigrette
Tuna and Salmon Tartare - wonton crackers, ginger, avocado
Spicy Lobster Roll - Tuna, avocado, cilantro
Sweet and Spicy Roll - Rock shrimp, pineapple, tempura, jalapeno
Passion Fruit Napoleon - chrisp phyllo, raspberries, and a whole fuckin mess of fruit.
Beer - Stella Artois
BAM. Hungry yet? It's about 2am and I'm jonesin' for some of that creamy ass goat cheese. And the oysters made me pretty horny. In a good way. Ginger sauce and Tabasco are a must. Makes those slimy fuckers tasty.
The sushi was very creative. The Sweet and Spicy Roll ruined my Valentine's Day sex because it made me jizz in my pants before we even got to dessert.
Breakdown:
Service: 3/5
Food: 5/5
Price: $50 a person
If you're a high roller and plan on drankin and gettin' apps: $80 a person
Overall: 4/5
Tweet of the Day - Marquis Daniels
The man is obviously missing Boston. We miss you too, Marquis. Just awful.
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